I learned a lot in college. Degree related? Not always. Not that it matters, since I've chosen a career which does not require a degree in my field of study--or any fields of study, for that matter. But I digress. Valuable in shaping me into the productive member of society I strive to be? Absolutely.
One valuable piece of advice was given during one of my GBA 490 courses. Professor M. stood in front of the class and spoke the words that echo in my mind every single time I find myself spiraling down the rabbit hole of a mini third-life crisis (oh yeah, I'm in my thirties now, and I haven't decided how I feel about it yet): "Now is the time to be the person you want to be. If you're the friend who's known for showing up late, make it a point to show up on time or early. You don't have to be who you've always been. You can change your habits and how you present yourself. Take this new chapter as an opportunity to become anyone you want to..."
I know. Game changer. It resonated with me then, as I was about to graduate with a temp position for a bank and a quickly waning interest in my field of study; but that echo has been getting louder and louder over the years. It's more of a blood curdling scream as I muddle my way through all of this newly gained free time (this post is written approximately 3 weeks into "the quarantine.").
I've been spending a lot of time--however unintentionally, thinking about the person I am and who I've been. Over the years I've been the Flight Attendant. I've been "an aspiring writer." I've been a supervisor (a short-lived, yet pivotal role). I've been the little sister. The broke sister. I've recently become the wife. The mom (a surprisingly good one if I do say so myself--and I do). I've been a terrible driver, and great friend. I've been the person that laughs at the corniest of jokes. I've played so many roles, and been so many different things, all at once and all at different times. It's sometimes overwhelming to sit back and figure out who I truly am at any given moment. I often find myself struggling to answer the question of “who am I?”.
I sometimes play this game in my mind where I pretend I'm someone else that I know and describe myself to a stranger. I try to determine whether or not I'm showing people who I want them to see; if I'm being the person that I'd like to be. The results are humbling to say the very least. Most people that I know think I'm great--or so I choose to believe. But then again, there's always room for more. Something is missing.
And then I hear it. "Now is the time to be the person you want to be."
I want to be me, of course. But the version of me who finishes creative projects and follows through with her ideas. The version of me who knows how to hula hoop and can do a pull-up. The person who makes her own butter and cooks nutritious meals with her family. The me who knows Bible verses and practices yoga.
I used to find the idea of defining myself as daunting. The question of who I am was difficult for me to answer, because it seemed as if I had to make a permanent decision. It was as if I could only be who I'd always been, because that's who I was. But as I've thought more and more about it, each moment is an opportunity to be whoever I choose to be. Some roles are indeed permanent, but I'm empowered to know that I can always reintroduce myself as the me that I want to be.